Dialogue from Film – Monty Python & The Holy Grail ~~Bridge of Death~~

Bridgekeeper                                    Stop!

Sir Launcelot stops. The knights watch anxiously. Arthur sniffs briefly and glances momentarily down at Sir Robin’s lower armour.

Bridgekeeper                                    Who approaches the Bridge of Death

    Must answer me

    These questions three!

    Ere the other side he see!

Launcelot                                            Ask me the questions, Bridgekeeper.

    I am not afraid.

Bridgekeeper                                    What is your name?

Launcelot                                            My name is Launcelot.

Bridgekeeper                                    What is your quest?

Launcelot                                            To find the Holy Grail.

Bridgekeeper                                    What is your favourite colour?

Launcelot                                            Blue.

Bridgekeeper                                    All right. Off you go.

Sir Launcelot runs across into the mist. The bridge perhaps disappears into the mist and we cannot see the other side. Arthur and Sir Robin exchange glances. Robin breathes a great sigh of relief.

Robin                                                    That’s easy.

A pause and then a slightly undignified rush for the bridge. Arthur remains behind a bit. Sir Robin reaches the bridge first.

Bridgekeeper                                    Stop!

    Who approacheth the Bridge of Death

    Must answer me

    These questions three!

    Ere the other side he see!

Robin                                                   Ask me the questions, Bridgekeeper.

    I am not afraid.

The eager knights behind Sir Robin wrinkle their noses slightly and fall back a little.

Bridgekeeper                                    What is your name?

Robin                                                    My name is Sir Robin of Camelot!

Bridgekeeper                                    What is your quest?

Robin                                                    I seek the Grail!

Bridgekeeper                                    What is the capital of Assyria?

Robin                                                    (indignantly) I don’t know that!

He is immediately hurled by some unseen force over the edge of the precipice.

Robin                                                    Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!

Cut to Sir Launcelot who is only just arriving on the other side. He looks back across the invisible chasm. Dimly in the distance he hears:

Gawain (out of vision)                   Sir Gawain of Camelot!

Bridgekeeper (out of vision)      What is your quest?

Gawain (out of vision)                   To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridgekeeper                                    What is your favourite colour?

Gawain                                                 Blue . . .  no, yellow!

Gawain is cast into the gorge.

Arthur and Bedivere step forward.

Bridgekeeper                                    What is your name?

Arthur                                                 It is Arthur, King of the Britons.

Bridgekeeper                                    What is your quest?

Arthur                                                 To seek the Holy Grail!

Bridgekeeper                                    What is the wing velocity of an unladen swallow?

Arthur                                                 What do you mean?

    An African or a European swallow?

Bridgekeeper                                    Er . . . I don’t know that . . . aaaagh!

Bridgekeeper is cast into the gorge.

Bedivere                                             How do you know so much

    about swallows?

Arthur                                                  Well you have to know these things

    when you’re a king, you know.

picture-HolyGrail-BridgeOfDeath

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1 Comment

Filed under Dialogue

One response to “Dialogue from Film – Monty Python & The Holy Grail ~~Bridge of Death~~

  1. ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’ is a 1975 British comedy film written and performed by the comedy group Monty Python (Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones and Michael Palin), and directed by Gilliam and Jones.

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