Excerpt from “Rinse the Blood off My Toga” by Wayne & Shuster ~~Julie, don’t go~~

Rome 44 B.C.

My name is Flavius Maximus. I am a private Roman Eye. My licence number is IXIVLLCCVIXMV – also comes in handy as an eye chart. I am going to tell you about the Julius Caesar caper which all began during the Ides of March.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brutus:
OK Flavius – this is where it happened. This is where Big Julie got knocked off.
Flavius Maximus:
Where’s the corpus delecti?
Brutus:
The what?
Flavius Maximus:
The corpus delecti. The body. Don’t you understand plain Latin?
Brutus:
Ooh, the stiff. It’s over there.
Flavius Maximus:
Wowee! Three daggers in him!
Brutus:
What do you think?
Flavius Maximus:
If he were alive today, he’d be a pretty sick boy. He’s really fixed for blades, eh! Ha, ha ha.
Brutus:
Oh, come on Flavius. You’ve got to solve the crime.
Flavius Maximus:
Alright. Fill me in with the set up. Now, who are those guys over there?
Brutus:
They were all here when it happened. That’s Plubius, Casca and Trabonius.
Flavius Maximus:
I see. Now, who’s that guy over there with the lean and hungry look on his kisser?
Brutus:
That’s Cassius.
Flavius Maximus:
Looks like a loser from the Colosseum. Now, who do you think is the most likely suspect?
Brutus:
That fellow next to Cassius.
Flavius Maximus:
Wait a minute…. that’s you!
Brutus:
I know, but can I be trusted?
Flavius Maximus:
(I could see that I was dealing with no ordinary case. This was a mental case!)
Wait a minute, who’s the dame?
Brutus:
That’s Caesar’s wife, California.
Flavius Maximus:
Well, she’s a suspect. Bring her over.
Brutus:
Sure.
Flavius Maximus:
Just a minute. Pardon me, Mrs Caesar, I am Flavius Maximus, Private Eye.
I would like to ask you a few questions.
Calpurnia:
I told him, Julie don’t go, don’t go I said but he wouldn’t listen to me. I begged him don’t go I said. If I told him once, I told him a thousand times, Julie, don’t go…
Flavius Maximus:
Now please, don’t upset yourself.
Calpurnia:
I said Julie don’t go, don’t go I said. It’s the Ides of March, beware already…
Flavius Maximus:
Sergeant, would you take Mrs Caesar home now.
Sergeant:
Come along now.
Calpurnia:
I told him Julie don’t go, Julie don’t ….
Flavius Maximus:
I don’t blame him for going. Alright you Senators, you can go now but don’t leave town.

 

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1 Comment

Filed under Dialogue

One response to “Excerpt from “Rinse the Blood off My Toga” by Wayne & Shuster ~~Julie, don’t go~~

  1. Johnny Wayne was born in Toronto, Canada on 28 May 1918, and died on 18 July 1990, aged 72 years. Frank Shuster was born in Toronto, Canada on 5 September 1916, and died on 13 January 2002, aged 85 years.
    ‘Rinse the Blood off My Toga’ was broadcast in 1954 by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation on The Wayne and Shuster Show, a popular television comedy series.

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